Thursday, March 26, 2009

Why I Do NOT go to school

No lie is quite like Absolution

Friday, June 13, 2008


Its been a week and a month since I last posted here
Sorry, its not like I've been busy but more like lazy.

Heaps of things have happened since I last posted here.
Like losing my hair, like one of those Tibetan monks.

But, I've kept a diary of things I've thought about so yeah.
I've got a lot of crap, but I'll be brief.

Becoming gay is a perfectly natural thing.
I mean it a better way of counteracting over-population when compared to tsunamis and earthquakes.

I love it when busty girls wear shirts with print across their tits.
It gives you an excuse to stare.
I hate it when ugly bitches give that look for reading some witty play on words written on their flat chests.
Man, what you angry for, Its not like I was staring at your non-existent tits!

Oh here was an interesting one.
Remember how i said that all the girls in my new school were ugly. I actually came to notice something important after hanging about plaza singapura that has changed my perspective on this matter.

You see, Ugly girls are important things.
All hot chicks have at least one, ONE ugly friend.
To make them feel better.

So chances are... these ugly chics, they must have at least one hot friend, somewhere.
So I'll befriend the ugly girls and climb up their social ladder.
Get to know the hypothetical hot girl.
When she breaks up with her stud boyfriend. She will somebody to bitch about him with.

"Hey, you know, Neil, Aaron dumped me"
"Really OMG, you can't be serious"
"No, I'm serious *sniff*"
"Oh, so sorry, I can't believe it, what a bastard"
"He's an ass, I would never do that to you..."
"Really... you're just saying that"

The situation progresses and you've scored!
I mean it's always those dodgy best friends.

This entry was on the 15th of May. The only reason why this plan hasn't been put into action yet is the fact that the ugly girls think they're hot shit.

Well those were the first few entries in my diary
But I'm going out with Evan Tomorrow.
Maybe Ill post some pics

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band

I had lunch with Evan on Friday at BK's.
The last time it was the two of us there we were bitchin' about Modern Minds and Pastimes.
The Click Five.
I liked Welcome to the Imrie House...
It kinda reminds me of my first day in ACS Int'l.

Where what I thought of people on my first day were all recorded down in a diary.
I found it in my treasure box the other day.
I found it hilarious, so I'll share.

Ibby was (EB I meant but I didn't know better) The guy who thinks he's a bad-ass 'cos he has a name like Iggy Pop.
Ben was The ass who can't stop talking about Australia
Chang was Ben
Kevin was That slanty eyed from Cario
Min was That Pale Fat Kid
Louis was Min, Just darker
Ezu was That guy who smells like chicken
Chris was That bitch who likes the Butch
Ally was Chris' sister, with the same complexion
Kim was that butch
Jakey was that Malaysian fag
Beatrice was the chic with the wonky smile, but could dance.
Jen was that girl who wore boxers
Lien was the gossip queen
Tabby was that rocker chic with red hair.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Vibrating Squids

Now, This morning, me and me mum were having a talk about dear old New Zealand.
Now I had told her something that would make all the Bio nerds get hot under the collar thinking about.
Something that would make them wet...
Something that would make them shiver in erotic anticipation.
Just like REZ for the PS2 would for the ladies!

Now REZ for the PS2 is absolutely godlike, in more ways than one.
Made in 2002 by SEGA it's absolute genius.
Its a game wherein you're a Cyber-Hacker.
You dodge weird security programmes whilst in a virtual body. Sort of shooting them out of your way... Maybe dodging some.

All in time to a Crazy Techno-Psychedelic Trance Beat!
HOLY SHIT it sounds cool don't it?

Actually it doesn't.
That's why SEGA had to go all the way for this game.
I mean its a cool idea, but not the best.
Now, we've all held a PS DualShock controller before haven't we?
Yeah of course we have!

Well SEGA made one of these Vibrating "Rumble Packs" for the REZ.

Its the fucking TRANCE VIBRATOR!
Its got 5 times the vibrating power of those DualShock controllers. It vibrates with increasing intensity in time to the trance music, and comes with a washable, waterproof cover...
I mean, why would you make the cover *washable* if it wasn't meant to be used as a sex toy?
The instruction manual said something like
"put it in your pocket"
But we all know what SEGA wanted us to do with it...
I meant its called a trance VIBRATOR!
But it was only released in Japan.

Well ladies playing this game have described the sensations as quite literally out of this world.
Try Imagining.
You play the lower levels, the musics not too intense, so you can't really get off on it.
Now you go to say, one of the Higher, Harder, More Intense levels.
With a Huge Phat beat, that you can finally get off on.

Your sight gets dizzy, you grip the controller weakly... You are about to cum...

You lose! FUCK!
Its like the ultimate Tease and Denial session! xD

Needless to say, its brought many gamers girlfriends into gaming...

Well anyway the thing that was gonna get those Bio nerds off was the dissecting of a complete Colossal Squid specimen later this week.
It could actually prove all those giant squid stories true. Cos its HUGE.

Monday, April 28, 2008

The Angry Video Game Nerd

What can I say?
Have you heard of the angry video game nerd?
If you haven't you should watch his fucking videos!
The man's hilarious.
He plays old-school nintendo games on a SNES and stuff
and he sucks at them.

Here's a link to his youtube channel.

Friday, April 25, 2008

If I'm a dog then you're a bitch

I couldn't find any copies of "Bitter Virgin",
so I ended up getting a stuff toy instead.
Wow! I suck.
Louis though it was a rabbit.
But it was a Raccoon.

I don't wanna go for that thing on Saturday Ive been hearing about!
I don't...
Maybe I do, but I wasn't invited
I suck.

So! today I had an appointment with IRAS.
The rather dodgy people in the government who try and make as much money out of you with the word "Tax"
Some guy was late for filing his Income Tax for a day and was going to pay a fine of $800 or face charges in the supreme court sometime next month.

That's when I step in.

I'm meant to try and get them to lower the penalty and waiver the summon.
Well it wasn't that hard to lose a few hundred dollars...

Especially when the tax officer is hitting on you.
Yes that's right.
The 27 year old, female tax officer was flirting with me...
*I wouldn't trust my guesstimation with dates, I thought the people in my class were at most 18, but as it turns out I'm the youngest and the closest is 23*

That's just one of TWO instances today where old ladies have gotten hot under the collar around me.
Well after the Income Tax matter, I return to the office.
Some people who want to start a new company are there, talking to the boss.
I re-enter my work-station, and begin some casual data entry.

...after 15 minutes...

I ended up finishing up the company registration for them...
Then they leave.
Then, when they're just outside the door, one of the ladies say:
Their Clerk is such a handsome young man.

I've been degraded! I'm not a clerk!

I swear this sucks!
You know I don't mind the whole older women thing
Well actually I do...
Look at Lao Shi.
Or my old house-mother, back when I was boarding.

I mean if its really a talent why can't I tune it to...
a younger audience...

Man this sucks

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Pokemon Version YELLOW!

I dreamt about my tortoise 2 nights ago. He said he and his family's happy now swimming in a big pond. He's got his first kids. He was really happy.

EB: Someone's racist, wonder who?

Evan: Buttsecks is the Big In Thing now you know?
Neil: I think I dreamt about buttsecks awhile ago...
Evan: Its cool cos you don't have to discriminate, everyone has an asshole...

Willy: Neil it's this big?
Neil: Yeah...
Willy: You Lost weight!

Ben: Neil! You're fatter!
Neil: Fuck!

Red Dragon: Neil, you don't look Indian anymore.
Neil: Well *excited* What do I look like then?
Red Dragon: Gay...
Neil: ... Well I was entranced by this...

Lien: Why a Turtle?
Neil: My Turtle gave birth awhile ago!

Well there is one comment I'd like to add, but it didn't happen today.

Louis: Anything darker than me... sigh. No